I’ve just finished reading Tracey Maxfield’s book ‘Escaping the rabbit hole’ an essay on her experience of living with, at times, crippling depression. The most severe of these followed a workplace bullying incident that led to her leaving work as a senior nurse (a 35 year vocation). The rawness with which Tracey recollects nearly 2 years down thew ‘rabbit hole’ and her attempts to find a way out makes for painful but humorous reading-her conversations with ‘DBS’ (death by suicide) her constant companion in this journey being one example. Tracey shows the resilience of the human spirit, the need to not only survive, but thrive-to have purpose and meaning. I relate to everything Tracey talks about, I’ve lived with depression from the age of 15-never good enough, useless, a burden, failure, unlovable, isolated, dis-connected-and the big one ‘guilt’. ‘Just saw a quadruple amputee climb Mt Kilimanjaro-and YOU can’t walk around the park you fat useless fuck’. Yep-it’s constantly there, sitting on your shoulder telling you every way you are pointless, meaningless and not worthy. Here’s the thing-it’s a lie. Tracey’s spent 35 years helping other people-a life choice, not a job. Depressions ‘job’ is to rob you of your innate right to be connected-sack him! Bravo Tracey.
July 17, 2020
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